Walking meditation

Stardate September Fourth, Zero Thirteen

Lately I have been walking.

No motorcycle to zip me around in a hyper aware and exhilarated state.
No car to get around in a vegetative state.
I walk.
Thousands of footsteps alone with my thoughts. Thousands.
Sometimes I can just tune into my heartbeat and breath.
That is my meditative state....whilst walking slowly, whilst consciously breathing.

I'm on a journey.
Yes, a real traveling journey, that's the external/physical one, however the internal one is a major shift.
An adjustment of epic proportions is taking place.

Solitude has been good for this introspective process that needed time and space.
I am lucky enough to have this.
Solitude and I did not used to be friends.
I believe I only discovered that I am good with myself, alone, a decade ago...maybe a decade and a half. My mind entertains me to no end, and I am never bored.
Still, to be in solitude with a quiet mind is my goal, hence the long, slow, quiet walks.

A long time ago, a friend from Galiano Island, B.C. said to me, "Sure it's easy to meditate and find peace of mind living in a cave or some such place, but can one do this in the middle of a bustling city, in a crowded space, in noise and chaos?" It was such a good and new kind of question to me at the time, and then I realized that we were doing that right there Being completely present, tuning out the students and havoc going on around us in the tiny film school office (where I was working at the time), and having this very quiet, profound conversation. All others had melted away. Cool, I thought. I hadn't realized I could do that.

I have been walking the streets of my cities in my travels, alone, in quiet, with the quest to dig deep...deep inside my heart and mind, my stomach even to find answers. The answer to the age old question: What does Helen want? (I should add a Volume 1 here. Hahaha!)

The answer has hit me over the head like a boulder.
It was rather unexpected and illuminating.
I know.
I know that I know, and there's no going back now.
It involves another's heart, and patience has not been my best virtue. Hee, hee!
Being forth coming, speaking unfiltered, and then awaiting a response....oi!
It's challenging and worth it.

To know another is to know the self.
To love another is to love the self.
This cannot be separate.
And one must start with the self.

The adjustments to a new idea of how to be in my life, and with who, are radically different, and will fall into place as they will. Forcing anything to happen never works. A little nurturing and a sprinkle of hope...okay lots of hope. :)

To live in the possibilities...ah yes, that is what this all is about.
If not for that thought, why bother.

In the quiet moments, one can hear their own voice, discerning it from others.

I have heard mine.
I know what I want.
I hold that dearly in my heart.

Posted, unedited, straight from the heart.
Feedback/thoughts always welcome.

Unbroken spirit!

Star date September Third, Two Zero Thirteen

Aloha all of You fine Peops You!

It's been too long, and I am needing to write....or is it this glass of pinot noir that has enticed this outpouring. Ha!

Ah yes, the unbroken spirit subject. This is me. Many of you know already about my plight. It has been quite unnerving to say the least, all belongings owned pretty much either destroyed or stolen.
And here I am....me...left standing....shinier than ever.
Hence, who needs shtuff?!
:D

My clothes are new (or second hand or given to me), vehicles borrowed from time to time, new laptoppy, and other things need replacing....all in good time.

You may already know I had a stalker/vermin guy on  my tail/trail in Honolulu. You may know I used to date said person (over a year and a half ago). You may know that I did not handle all this well as I could have, I had zero experience with such things. You may know that I thought I could understand such a brain/mind-set, as I believe(d) I KNOW people....well, and how obviously wrong I was, One cannot predict the mind of a psychopath. One cannot predict when said person will stop, when enough will be enough. I had thought I could. Amateur! (me)

And so...

I stand here after having gone "through hell" and as the saying goes, "When going through hell just keep going." Hahaha! And I am post fear, post madness, post devastation, I still laugh, and I still dance, and I still sail, and I still ride, and I still play, and I still love! LOVE! Bigger and better than ever. My spirit is brighter than ever. I feel strong. I am clear. Crystal. Yes!

What a roller coaster ride it's been! Such is life, and the unknown is where I reside.

Yes, it was horrible.
Yes, it rendered me to tears more than once. Meltdowns even.
And yes, I found people that had experienced such things and guided me back to balance.

So here is a list of positive things that have come out of this horrid experience:

1. People, even strangers, stepped out of the woodwork to help in huge ways. I could never have predicted, nor known people are so compassionate, listening, and care. I had felt isolated in trying to ignore "the problem" and it wasn't going away. So when I spoke up finally, I was overwhelmed with the amount of assistance that poured in. Tears I tell you. Tears.

2. This experience has had me re-evaluate my life and way of being. It has made me even more compassionate, more gentle with myself, forced me to ask for help, raised my ability to receive (I sucked at these two things), revisited my ideas on relationships and ways of being in them, enticed me to be even more brutally honest and forthcoming with people (like it or not, I speak unfiltered).

3. I have changed my trajectory completely. I have a new outlook. I am wanting something different. Change is good!

4. And yeah, okay, I had wanted to use my martial arts training and badassery to kick this guy's ass myself! I didn't. I used self-control like never before. Discipline. The only reason I would ever strike someone is if they hit me first. I'd finish it then. Certainly.

Ultimately we are who we are, and as my brother says, "People are who they were at 8 years old." I am still an earnest, enthusiastic, never-say-die, play-full, going-for-excellence person that wants to serve and help as many people that cross my path as possible. I will just be more discerning. This is paramount.

"I am....." (finish this declaration for yourself), is the most power-full of sentences.
Use it consciously.
It will give you power.

As always I will post unedited, typed straight from the heart/head, fully me.
I welcome any comments and critiques.

Words and Their Power

The meanings of words.
Does any one care any more?

Speaking without thinking, and using catch phrases seems to be too many people's way of communicating. Add some sarcasm to that and it's a recipe for the listener to put up their shields.

Television, movies and other sources have been shaping the roles people play. I doubt that too many are aware of this. Becoming self aware is some work, albeit purposeful and valuable. Hence my yogic path, although I am drawn to things that are already me.

If one carelessly responds to another without the intention of, "I will listen consciously and respond with an open mind and heart," then words are wasted, as is time, and there is no connection between the two relating. Well, actually there is not much relating going on. Why spend time with someone if one is not open to see them as they really are, and to be fully who each of us really is?

Next time you are about to give an opinion or add to a conversation, ask yourself, "Does what I am about to say really matter? It is loving? Is it supportive? Have I understood the other? Am I being open and "real' with this person?" etc etc etc.

Sarcasm has no place in society, other than to dismantle and diminish. Why, why be like this? Why accept it from anyone you spend time with? If we each honoured ourselves we would not accept less than loving behaviour from another. We would not accept the disrespect and unconsciousness from another. 

Take the time to measure your words.
Dig into the meanings of words.
Find out if you are saying what you believe you are saying.

Be kind be kind be kind be kind be kind....

It is our one life.
Here.
Now.
What am I doing?
What is the one doing?
How will this bring purpose to my life?
How will it bring purpose to another's life?
How will it bring purpose to this planet, our space ship, our home?

The power of words can destroy.
The power of words can elate, inspire and encourage.

"Out beyond right doing and wrong doing, there is a field. Meet me there."  ~ Rumi

As usual, without editing, I will allow these words to go out into the ethereal internet and see what comes back.
May 2012 bring each of you wondrous joy!

What is it with white wash in Honolulu?

White.
What is it with white?

Looking at photos of homes available on craigslist Honolulu has brought me this conclusion:
There is a fascination with having entire apartments and even houses white. White walls, white floors, white appliances, white drapes, white white white...oi !

It is leaving me longing, craving, seeking a home with hard-wood or bamboo floors, colours on the walls, and maybe even brick walls. And what about windows that one can open that are interesting to look at instead of these easily dirtied slatted style ones.

There are no historic-style homes here with any kind of character. Oh Montreal, how I miss you for that. :)

I haven't been anywhere as long as I have been here in Honolulu for a very long time. Perhaps it is time for a fresh change. Almost two years here and I have witnessed people not being able to afford to live because the cost of rent is higher than salaries allow. The chances of getting a full time or even part-time job with medical benefits is rare, however that may be the same on the continent. Trying to find a place to live without spending more than you make has become seemingly impossible. I was living "rent-free" on a boat and decided to go back to the land because of a long list, and unless something shifts, I will be spending all my savings.

I've been told that everything is white because people are so transient.
I say, people might be less transient if they felt some comfort in their homes.
The white wash feels so sterile and hospital-like setting that it is difficult to sit in such a place and feel cozy and relaxed. A feeling of antiseptic washed over me.

Oh rant rant rant.
Hee, hee!
The positive things are so many, and that will come in a future writing.
Mostly I feel I will only become clearly aware of them after a I have left for a while....just like everything.

And so, I feel my months numbered now, and perhaps as Winter melts away from the continent, I will fly back Eastward to rekindle my relationship with my other peops and connect with vastless possibilities for teaching yoga and freelancing as so many other things as well. Perhaps. 


Happy Solstice to you All, and may Peace reign over you as often as possible.
Breathe.

How to Bring Happiness to Oneself

(a repost from facebook)

The "play therapist" wants to share something with you.

HOW TO BRING HAPPINESS TO ONESELF (in not particular order)

1. Select uplifting music

2. Dance with abandon

3. Get into nature

4. Go to an art gallery/museum

5. Watch a hilarious movie

6. Talk with a trusted friend....ask them to only listen and love

7. Sit & breathe deeply and consciously, only thinking about the path of the breath

8. Read uplifting stories or passages

9. Go to the park and play on the monkey bars, jungle gym or gymnastic bars

10. Play music, even if badly, sing even if badly, create art/draw/paint/glue things even if badly I do not really mean that anything is actually "bad", it is our our nature to put our abilities down at times; everyone starts somewhere)

11. Try something you've never tried before, and have wanted to

A Hard Day's Work for a Hard Day's Pay

What does that mean to you?

When I lived in what is known as The Midwest, that was generally people’s way of being. They couldn’t stand anything that might have a social-type bend to it, i.e. national healthcare, support for the unemployed, shelters, etc. People there would actually get angry if I brought up any of these subjects.

And where does anger come from?
Fear.

The days of "the American Dream" have been long gone. The smoke and mirrors that is pretending to keep that alive will soon dissipate. Unfortunately "the American Nightmare" is upon us. The days of what good capitalism might have been, and the days of finding meaningful employment that paid what it's worth, are practically over. If one is not creating their own work, they may be "left behind". 

Like so many things, good people in government and good ideas in business went awry with either power-hunger or just simply money-driven, forgetting the long term consequences to ourselves and Mother Earth.

As Dr. David Suzuki says, "I'm not interested in a 40 years plan, I'm interested in a 400 year plan."
[I love that man. Read more about his group is up and see his film. I am highly recommending it.]
http://www.davidsuzuki.org/

I will digress for a moment to point something out, everything needs to be updated once in a while, yeah? And look just over a hundred years ago I could understand why call that area the Midwest. However that antiquated expression could be revisited and they could just be knows as the Flatlanders or maybe even the Midnorth. 

Of course living for a bit in Flatlander-country, I came to realize why people had limited views. They lived on two dimensions and hence could only be two dimensional thinkers. I'm being only slightly facetious.
I have observed that coastal and mountain dwellers have expansive perceptions. Well at least more so than being landlocked in the prairies.  :)

And so...

Hard work for hard pay.


Wow. 

Talk about a challenging life, a challenging way of being in the world.
What about spinning that over and saying to oneself, I earn money easily for doing what I’m good at and love to do.


For those of you out there that are not into the whole affirmation thing, nor the create-your-reality thing, let me point this out to you: 

if attitude is everything, then what I am saying here has weight.

Ponder that for the week....or month.


That is your homework. :)

Look, I work "hard" too. I just do not see it nor feel it like that.
Know what I mean, jelly bean?

I realize that we are quite blessed here in the West (and even where I am in the middle of the Pacific), to have choices and to have opportunity. 

Yes, it’s getting more and more interesting to uncover opportunities. I for one have had many years of struggle to maintain my head above water, only because my ethics and my ideas of what I would do for work are rather, ahem, picky. 

Hahaha!

As a graphic designer (amongst so many things I am/do) and somewhat good at marketing, I could have worked for a studio or an advertising firm and made tons o’ money. No thanks to that, because if i do not agree with what they’re “selling” then I cannot work there. Work has to align with my beliefs of what is "good" (or at least not "bad") for humanity, and of course me.

In the end, what do I know.
I'm merely a Canadian from a forever lineage of Greek origin. :)

There’s my ramblings for today.


Mahalo for tuning in.

Until the next transmission,
may you look at your choices and know that you are where you have chosen to be.


And believe me when I say this is even for the times I have suffered, I am firm on this outlook.


I welcome all comments and/or critiques.


Unedited as usual.


Hee, hee!

Girls in bikinis doing yoga. Who am I to judge?

Ah yoga, my love....

There I was, thoroughly encouraged and enticed to learn from a “master” visiting Hawai’I for the first time. How exciting! This is of a different style of yoga and I love to add dimensions to my practice as well as my teaching.

It might have been good except...   
he did not teach a single class all weekend!

To say I was disappointed is an understatement.

Time has passed and now I'm just discouraged about this group and their ways.

A closer look has revealed (pun intended) that this particular group no longer is allowed to use the word yoga to describe what they do or who they are. Their website has women and men showing as much skin as legally possible in challenging postures. It is beautiful, and...

That is the one thing I will agree with:
it is not yoga.

There was misinformation during the lectures in that weekend seminar, and never once was the breath cued or body alignment spoken about during the poses practice.

I am comfortable calling it a kind of acrobatics workout. It is pretty. The method of transitioning in between poses resembles something like a martial arts form. Calculated and strong.

I was made to feel "silly" that I would even think the visiting teacher would teach.
That’s okay, lesson learnt.
I will be asking different questions next time a seminar is presented to me.
One like, will the founder be teaching us?

As a long time teacher, I am not interested in spending money I do not have to learn from people that I felt were not of the caliber I am accustomed to. The highest of high caliber teachers are who I wish to spend my time with, regardless of how long they’ve been teaching. I can sense a person’s depth and understanding in an instant.

When the grand master type senseis would visit from Japan, even if they were in their 80s, they taught us all week long. It is their philosophy, their spirit, their method I am interested in, and that is why hundreds of karate-ka (karate practitioners) would show up from all over. It was worth every penny, every sore muscle, every bruise, every drop of sweat. I look back on those days fondly.

So here I sit with these thoughts of what is yoga?
What is the spirit of yoga?
And is there a “right” and “wrong” way to teach it?
These thoughts are nothing new, they just got magnified after last weekend’s seminar.

I spoke with my teacher this morning, and she and I concurred. A website featuring semi-nude people doing acrobatic poses is beautiful, and it is not something she and I are interested in the slightest when doing or teaching yoga.

During this weekend, if one did not do things at precisely the right moment in the way they wanted it one was “reprimanded”. In my classes and in classes I have enjoyed thoroughly, the teacher not only allows for students to be in whatever pose they need to longer and or take child’s pose to rest, I like to take it a step further and exclaim that if …”prana moves you, please flow/go with it and do whatever you wish in class.” I have seen and experienced this at Kripalu Yoga Center and have enjoyed the freedom to just be. It is not only liberating, it is honest, and it takes each student into account. Their needs are the primary focus.

After all, the ancient ones say yoga is 98% about the breath!
2% about everything else.
(Some such huge number. Hee, hee!)

I remember one time giving myself permission to just simply go into savasana (corpse pose) in the middle of a flowing class and in the middle of the classroom. I just had had enough for the day and lay down. The teacher kept teaching even whilst he lay a blankie over me and pulled on my legs to allow me to sink deeper onto my mat. It was the best thing I have ever done in a yoga class. I so get it …since that moment.

{I had been living and working at this massive yoga center and had had a day of much yoga and also of lots of work.)
So this listening to myself in a situation like that was an awakening! 

Well, yoga is my passion.

Life is my passion.

I want to encourage people to live and be who they are a all times. No putting on airs or masking their truths. And if that means you want to do something different from what the teacher is doing, so be it. It is your practice.

As usual, I will not edit this and simply post.
Comment at will.  :)

I hope all is well in your worlds.

Namaste