Stardate: December Twenty-fifth, Zero Ten
Place: Sea level Hawai'i
How do we know it's our heart breaking?
Maybe it's the stomach?
Or maybe even a kidney or the small intestine that feels crushed and aches?
Sometimes, I feel it is the throat. It gets all balled up and tight and feels like no more breath can be delivered anywhere. How do we know we love someone?
How do we know they are the person we want to spend the next decade with?And especially how do those of us that fall in love with everybody know one of those is one to partner up with?
Falling in love with everybody is not what is may appear to be at first. I mean, I tend to love anyone that feels they are cut from the same cloth. We may have a bunch of shtuff in common, We may speak a similar language, and I am not talking about mere English. I mean this on a metaphysical level. We may have lived life full on and can share experiences, share tragedies, share traumas, share hope.
And using the word "falling" is not quite the right word. Falling implies tripping and/or being hurt. To love is simply to love. Let's just say instead of "falling in love", we say "leaping in love".
I have hurt and been hurt.
Who hasn't?
(Oops if that's you, well, maybe you could step outside and meet people! Hahaha!)
And in the being hurt, in the depth of that sadness, when I look over my shoulder and see a tsunami of grief and pain and you know there's no running from it, well I try out a new surfboard and see if I could just stay on top of it for a bit. You have to know this doesn't last and BAM, I'm under...bloobbloobbloob...air air AIR. Gasp!
Need. Bigger. Surfboard.
There's zero point in distractions. The demon waits.
It looms in the shadows and has infinite patience.
May as well get that snorkel fitted because I'm goin' in.
:)
If I did not have humour, and use it on myself; if I did not, absolutely without a doubt, LOVE LIFE, I would be certified insane.
What HSP (highly sensitive person) wouldn't be?
Letting one's guard down around someone with an open heart is what does it. Waterworks galore....just because of that feeling of safety and being understood. Remaining guarded, stand-offish, tough, aloof, any of these things and more is not the path to a real life, an open life, a loving life.
Compassion. Trust. Vulnerability. Surrender.
phew!!
Huge words, I fought my whole young life. Thank goodness I started figuring things out, or I'd still be some tough city street chick....and nothing more. One dimensional.
bleh!
When we are hurt, we can never blame another as we had our role to play, and if we played it with love, there would be less carnage. (I use the term play, not in a way that is meant to demean or downplay. I use it to lighten.) The more we are, the more we can communicate. And doesn't everyone know by now that that communication is the KEY to a relationship; be it lovers, friends, with a parent or sibling, a boss, a client. Anyone.
Back to broken hearts or stomachs or other organs...
Loving and letting go is the most honourable, most respectful, most loving thing a human being can do for another. Loving and possessing, not so much. Hahaha!
To say one is mine, is to claim a human being.
Even a child is not anyone's. They are their own.
It aches to let go.
It aches.
The longing to be with someone when we have connected feels insurmountable.
And then, I remember, it is the love for the self that this derives from. Missing love for the self creates that supreme longing. The one that feels like you will DIE if...
And you know we do get sick. We get physically ill.
We are out of alignment with what we wish we had, and this creates havoc.
Love, O love, real love, is the one that wants to very best for someone, and that may not be (insert own name here).
Love, O love, real love, is the one that lasts no matter what, because it keeps caring, it keeps checking in, it keeps guiding and assisting in any way that is appropriate and requested by the other.
And where is this broken heart, and how does it mend?
It is the whole body that breaks. Our ego that did not get what it desired makes it hurt.
The heart knows that it cannot break because its capacity to love is immeasurable!
I will post this unedited, and may change my mind and edit it in the morning, in which case I will say i have edited it. I appreciate you reading this, and please feel free to comment.
