Walking meditation

Stardate September Fourth, Zero Thirteen

Lately I have been walking.

No motorcycle to zip me around in a hyper aware and exhilarated state.
No car to get around in a vegetative state.
I walk.
Thousands of footsteps alone with my thoughts. Thousands.
Sometimes I can just tune into my heartbeat and breath.
That is my meditative state....whilst walking slowly, whilst consciously breathing.

I'm on a journey.
Yes, a real traveling journey, that's the external/physical one, however the internal one is a major shift.
An adjustment of epic proportions is taking place.

Solitude has been good for this introspective process that needed time and space.
I am lucky enough to have this.
Solitude and I did not used to be friends.
I believe I only discovered that I am good with myself, alone, a decade ago...maybe a decade and a half. My mind entertains me to no end, and I am never bored.
Still, to be in solitude with a quiet mind is my goal, hence the long, slow, quiet walks.

A long time ago, a friend from Galiano Island, B.C. said to me, "Sure it's easy to meditate and find peace of mind living in a cave or some such place, but can one do this in the middle of a bustling city, in a crowded space, in noise and chaos?" It was such a good and new kind of question to me at the time, and then I realized that we were doing that right there Being completely present, tuning out the students and havoc going on around us in the tiny film school office (where I was working at the time), and having this very quiet, profound conversation. All others had melted away. Cool, I thought. I hadn't realized I could do that.

I have been walking the streets of my cities in my travels, alone, in quiet, with the quest to dig deep...deep inside my heart and mind, my stomach even to find answers. The answer to the age old question: What does Helen want? (I should add a Volume 1 here. Hahaha!)

The answer has hit me over the head like a boulder.
It was rather unexpected and illuminating.
I know.
I know that I know, and there's no going back now.
It involves another's heart, and patience has not been my best virtue. Hee, hee!
Being forth coming, speaking unfiltered, and then awaiting a response....oi!
It's challenging and worth it.

To know another is to know the self.
To love another is to love the self.
This cannot be separate.
And one must start with the self.

The adjustments to a new idea of how to be in my life, and with who, are radically different, and will fall into place as they will. Forcing anything to happen never works. A little nurturing and a sprinkle of hope...okay lots of hope. :)

To live in the possibilities...ah yes, that is what this all is about.
If not for that thought, why bother.

In the quiet moments, one can hear their own voice, discerning it from others.

I have heard mine.
I know what I want.
I hold that dearly in my heart.

Posted, unedited, straight from the heart.
Feedback/thoughts always welcome.